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Quiet Desperation

Sometimes I just want to pack up my stuff here and go back to India. Sooner or later I will be making my transition to India for good. I just don't know when thats going to happen. Life here has been great, but still yeh dil maange more. India is shining (in some parts) and I feel the need to be part of that gold rush. I know it is not going to be easy combining my years of experience and lifestyle in America to blend with India's non-stop work-o-holic attitudes. I am one step closer to the dream because of my job with Wipro. I have enjoyed my stay here more than any other jobs that I have had before because of the friends that I have made here and they help in making the day go by faster.

One of my closest friends back home has been urging me to move back to India for quite a few years now. I have been constantly telling him I am waiting for my H1B tenure to get over in 2011. But the reality is, I am always in 2 minds, with the question being should I get my Green Card and wait for few more years or call it quits at the end of the visa term. I never had the doubt about "should I go to India or should I make a living here?" I wasn't like this growing up. I (still) am quite confident of myself and very much in control. Insecurities have slightly increased over the years now that I am married. Kirti is a big part of the picture and the decisions are and will be jointly taken.

I dearly miss all the events, functions and festivals that was such a huge part of my life growing up. For almost 6 years, I have missed everything. Sure I have participated in Diwali functions and Navratri here, but the feeling just isn't the same.

I miss my parents as much as Kirti misses hers. They are growing old and we don't want to miss out on important events in their lives. I miss my friends back home. Miss the old times during and after college. I made the choice of coming here and my parents backed me 100%. I am a family person and have always been one. It is quite ironical that I am so far away from all of them at this juncture in my life. It is tough having a base in the US if you want to or plan to go back some day. It always helps in keeping an open mind and following through with what you want to accomplish. The day I do pack my bags and leave, I would proudly say Mission Accomplished.

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